Secret
by EvilCannibalPanda
Summary: Near should've kept his mouth shut. He shouldnt have told Matt his secret. And he may have just kept it to himself if he knew then just how far things would go. Rated M to be safe
1. Chapter 1

That little white-haired, emotionless, albino, midget-freak... Ugh... I didn't think it was possible for me to hate him any more than I already had. But, of course I was wrong. And I realized this as I stared into the lifeless eyes of the boy I had been fighting not five minutes before. The bloodied face so marred that not even L could decipher the true identity of the boy a year or so younger than myself. My right fist was literally down his throat when I noticed that he'd stopped fighting back with the passion of someone with the will to live. At first thought, I assumed he'd given up. Then I realized that his breathing had completely ceased, and upon examination of his chest area, the heart gave not one pump. My fist now by my side, along with my left, both clenched in seething anger that was disappearing ever so slowly with each heavy breath that inevitably became more shallow. My icy-blue eyes, moistened with tears that seemed to have came from nowhere, were unblinking.

Any normal person would have freaked under these circumstances, right? Then why was I so...calm? My mind at this point was filled with random words, none seeming to piece together in the sentence that I needed. The one that would bring me to reality. I waited for that sentence to form as I stayed frozen in place, eyes not daring to move from my former prey. The mess of gory remains before me that looked no longer like the boy I had exchanged harsh words with earlier. The boy who had been so beautiful that it made me sick with envy. And jealousy? No. I was a lot of things, but jealous was _not _one of them. Then what was I? What had driven me to commit such an act? An act of... Murder.

The sentence I had been waiting for finally came together from the far depths of my mind and made its way through my mental maze and alas, I spoke them aloud. "I killed someone..." It was no more than a whisper. But nonetheless I jumped at the sound of my own voice. My widened icy eyes traveled down to my shaking fists covered in the blood of another human being. I lifted one up a bit, opening it to reveal even more of the crimson liquid that felt thick and wet against my sensitive skin. I slowly opened and closed the hand a few times, the blood making a squelching noise each time I did so and planting itself further into the crevices of my palm. After what seemed like hours, I let the object of my attention drop to my side again and refocused my eyes, once more, on the body. I found my mouth moving to form more words. "I...I did this..."

Oh God... I had caused a lot of trouble during my childhood, but never anything this intense. And why? Because of that albino _freak. _This was all _his _fault. If he would've just... If he would've just kept his little secret to himself instead of sharing it with Matt, I would've never found out. He must know that Matt tells me everything? Then why did he even open his mouth? Maybe he didn't think I would react as I did. Maybe he thought I didn't care. Well, I _did _care. Maybe things got a little out of hand, but... But I had done what was necessary. The deed had to be completed; if for nothing else, then for the sake of my sanity being intact.

I wiped the tears from my face and tried to clear my mind so I could think of what to do. Turn myself in? ...Not an option. I was only 14, and I was _not_ planning to spend the rest of my life in a jail cell. And the death penalty didn't sound too fun either...

Then... What was I to do? As the thought hovered in my mind, I heard a gasp come from about five feet behind me. My head snapped in the direction of the noise. How did somebody find us? I had thought the forest would be a secluded enough place to have this 'meeting'. I guess not... I shot up like lightning, and without really thinking, I took off in the direction of where I saw a shadow disappear behind a tree.

**A/N: I hope you liked it. I'm already working on a chapter two but I don't know when it will be up... In case you couldn't tell, (and if that's the case, please let me know so I can work on improving my writing skills), this was Mello's POV. And also, I know I wasn't too specific on some things in this chapter, but that was on purpose. All will be revealed in chapter two. But first, you have to review for me! :3 Thank you for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for the reviews :3 I honestly didn't think anyone would. Anyway, here's chapter two, I hope you enjoy! This is sort of a flashback, from Near's point of view. I wasn't planning on writing from his POV but since it was requested I thought, why not. It probably could've been better, but I kinda got lazy... Sorry :( And Near's probably really OOC, sorry for that too.**

Earlier that morning:

I stood uncomfortably in front of the recently painted white door that belonged to no other than the red-headed game-addict known as Matt. I stood emotionless and silent as per usual, but in all actuality, my frail heart was practically pounding out of my small chest as I looked at the door with wide-charcoal eyes.

What was I even doing here? Well... I knew that I needed someone to talk to. I had been feeling something lately that my genius mind could not, for the life of me, interpret. I had been up hours upon hours researching this feeling. But no internet article seemed to hold the details that I so desperately needed to know. If I could just... figure out _what _this was, I could return to my normal life. And maybe catch up on sleep while I was at it.

But nonetheless, why Matt? He was best friends with my life-long rival. As one-sided as the rivalry may be, it was what it was. Therefor, Matt should be my second to last choose (next to Mello, of course) of people to confide in with such personal details of my life. Then again, Matt wasn't a bad person. At least, I didn't think so. He had never said anything against me, or done anything to spite me. But still... I sighed and hugged my favorite toy robot closer as one of my hands raised itself and delicately tapped the door three times. No going back now...

There was a moment of silence, then I heard a loud voice say, "come on in! Doors unlocked!" I winced at the volume of said voice as I opened the door and let myself in. There was Matt, laying across his bed on his stomach, a hand-held currently seizing his attention as his fingers flashed from button to button with what I assumed must take quite some skill, despite the uselessness of it. Its not like we would be using _video-games _in our line of work, so why would he waste precious time doing _this _when he could be observing L's old case files, or studying up on the next big test?

I reminded myself that I was not here to judge the boys avocations, I was here more...trivial matters. So, like the good boy I was, I waited patiently for the red-head to shift his attention to me. Which he did so after exactly 15.6 seconds. "Near, I cant concentrate if your going to stand there and gawk at me like that. Ehh... What are you even doing here anyway?" He asked sounding slightly skeptical. he must have been expecting me to leave soon, for he remained in that position on his stomach rather than politely sitting upright to communicate with me.

"Matt... I know that I've never had verbal-relations with you before. And I would prefer if this conversation were not to take place at all, but I've been having trouble concentrating in class, and in other aspects of my life. Its because of this, that I wish to privately speak to you and seek out your wisdom on the subject," I said quickly, trying my hardest to keep steady eye contact with him. Matt looked utterly confused, and he stayed this way until I translated what I had just said into simpler terms. "Matt, I have a problem. And I need your help." At this, the older boy grinned. "Well, why didn't you just say so? Come and have a seat." Finally, his position shifted and we were about a foot away, face to face on the bed. "So. Whats the problem, little Near?"

"I'm only two years younger than yourself..." I corrected sourly. Matt frowned. "Are you serious? With your height I thought you were at least three or four years younger than me... Eh, doesn't matter I guess. Anyway, that's beside the point. Whats up?" Though I was a bit offended by his words, I was more worried about those last two that he'd said. No, it was more of a question. What's...up...? I looked up. Well... from our seat inside of the house, the correct response would be, the ceiling. Correct? No... Matt already knew that... Then why would he ask such a ludicrous question? Wait, maybe there was another meaning to those words. Maybe it meant-

"Yo, Near? Did you hear me? I asked whats wrong? You said you wanted to talk to me about something, didn't you?" I blinked. "Oh, yes. Sorry..." Where to start... I sighed and closed my eyes. "Matt, I think I may 'like' someone. I've been doing research on the topic, and it seems to fit the way I've been feeling _almost _perfectly. But I do not know if its true, and if it is, I have no idea what to _do _about it. The computer says that I should 'ask them out', but I'm confused by this. I mean, where are we to go? And plus the article sounded to me like doing so would not make the feeling go away, but rather, enhance it. And this is just what I want to avoid." With nothing else to really add, I opened my eyes and looked at Matt hopefully. I felt my face heat up as I saw the way the red-head sat in front of me, snickering.

"What?" I asked self-consciously. Matt grinned at me. "Dude... Those computer articles wont tell you what you need to know. Okay, tell me exactly what you feel when look at this person." I hesitated, looking at him to make sure he was sincere in helping me. It seemed as though he was. "I... I don't know. That's why it bothers me. I've never been in a situation where I don't know something..." I felt my face contort into one of utter dismay. "He makes me feel all of these emotions that I've never felt before."

Matt's gloved hand landed on my right shoulder. I looked up to find him grinning. Not a grin of mockery, no, a genuine grin. "My friend, _that _is called love. Pure, sweet love." My eyes widened. 'Love'... Such a strange word. "...How do I get rid of it?" I asked. Matt frowned at this question and his hand slipped from my shoulder (which, I was thankful for. I didn't like it when people touched me). "Why do you want to do that?"

"I already told you, it distracts me. I cant concentrate if he's always on my mind." He looked down for a moment, as if to think of a response. Then when he found one, he smiled and looked back up at me. "Trust me, you don't want to get rid of this feeling. It may be distracting, but that's a good thing. Pardon me for saying so, but you need that in your dull life. Dude, not everyone finds love. You should take advantage of it and tell this girl what you think about her- Wait, did you say it was a girl or a guy?"

Now it was my turn to frown. "I didn't specifically say it was either, but it is a guy. And I do realize that this is...unnatural. For when I looked it up, everything I read was about a boy liking a _girl_. Or vice versa. Which is another reason why I'm so confused." There was an awkward silence that rested upon the room and didn't lift for about three minutes. I knew this because my eyes were fixated on the clock on the far wall during this time.

The awkward silence was broken by Matt's question. "Well, who is it?" I looked at his curious green eyes that were barely visible through orange-tinted goggles. "I..." I wanted to tell him. I felt it would make me feel better if I did. But also, if I told him, then everything that I had kept secret for so long would be revealed. What if he told someone? What if Matt told _him_? Then again, I was in too deep to just brush him off and walk away. I had told him almost everything, and he'd been pretty supportive through it all. Besides, he could probably help me... What did I have to lose?

Before I could re-think it, I blurted out, "Dason." I turned away, a blush obvious upon my normally pale cheeks. "Dason? You mean that new kid...?" I nodded meekly. After that was off my chest, I looked up with a small smile. "Yes. He's so smart and kind. He lets me borrow books and even sits with me in the common room from time to time." Matt looked at me with a look that suggested that I'd lost my mind into oblivion.

"Near...? Are we talking about the _same _Dason?" I blinked, confused. "Of course. There's only one here."

"I know that. But...he's probably just messing with you. Because everyone knows that Dason's a major jerk... He's almost as bad as Mello." I frowned at this accusation. "No, Matt. You're wrong. Mello is ruthless and mean. Dason is _nothing _like him. He is sweet and caring." The gamer sighed. "Look, Near, I'm not trying to turn you against him. I'm just trying to warn you what your in for if you _do _get with this guy..."

"You don't know him like I do," I accused stubbornly, deeply regretting ever telling Matt anything. The air became seemingly thick and I thought I might cry, but held it back. There was a silence between us that lasted a few awkward minutes, then I mumbled something about a test and made my leave.

As I closed the door, I saw Mello coming down the hall, opening a fresh chocolate bar with his teeth. I hoped he hadn't noticed me, but alas, that was not the case. "Hey, albino! What are you doing leaving Matt's room?" He snarled, picking up his pace until he was right beside me. "That is none of your concern, Mello," I said, putting my stoic mask in place. He jerked me around to face him. "_Everything _is my concern," he spat with malice.

I decided that it was better to comply than to argue. "We were talking," I said as if it were the most obvious thing ever. I hoped he would stop at that, but I knew the blonde far too well to know that he would not. "Talking? About _what _exactly?" he urged. I tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let me. "I had to ask Matt a question," I replied. I really hoped he would get tired of dealing with me and just proceed to his previous destination. I just wanted to be alone to think. "Since when do _you _ever ask questions? What kind of question was it, _Near_?" I shivered when he said my name, but I wasn't sure why. The sudden reaction from my body caught me off guard and my mask of emotionless slipped. I could tell by the way the blonde was looking at me. It was a look of confusion, one that he didn't wear too often, being as he was second best at Whammy's.

"Mello... Please, I'm not feeling like myself. I really _must _go," I said, trying once more to pull away. But, just as before, his grip was unwavering. I sighed, looking down. "Near, look at me." His voice was much gentler, and I looked up more from surprise than because of his command. His icy blue eyes even seemed more gentle as they searched mine, but I didn't really pay attention as he did so. I found myself being lost in his as well. They were more than icy blue eyes of evil. There was something else there. Something that shined and caught my attention. Something that screamed, "I'm really a good person!" Maybe I was being deceived... The thought of Mello being nice was nothing short of ludicrous. When I finally snapped back to reality what seemed like hours later, I realized that our faces had grown closer together and Mello's eyes were half-lidded. It caught me by surprise when his lips brushed mine ever so gently. I immediately closed my eyes, for some odd reason wanting to savor this feeling. I found my lips pushing back against his and his arms gently wrapped around my back. I slipped my own around his neck for leverage, and because it just seemed like the right thing to do. This felt...perfect... I wanted to stay like this forever.

Suddenly, my wits returned once again and I let go, pushing him away in the process. He looked at me, stunned, before breaking eye contact. We both just stood there, neither looking the other in the eye, both blushing madly. Both utterly confused. I wanted to say something, but couldn't think of anything that seemed right. I think what I really wanted more than anything was to continue. But I knew that that was asking too much. Plus, this was Mello for pete's sake. What was I thinking? What was _he _thinking? I was Near, his rival. The one whom he despised more than anyone. Why would he kiss me?

For lack of response to the whole situation, I did the only thing I could think of. I ran. I ran as fast as I could down the halls of Whammy's until I was completely out of breath and standing right outside my bedroom door. I jerked the door open and slammed it shut behind me, coming to a rest on my bed. I just lay there, trying to catch my breath until it was steady again, at which point the tears kicked in. I grabbed a pillow and whimpered pathetically into it until I fell asleep. I was so confused... So very confused, and I _hated _it with every fiber of my being. I never wanted to feel this way again.

**A/N: Soo... I got a bit carried away with this chapter and wrote a lot more than I was originally planning to... Also, I realized something while writing this chapter: I'm an epic failure at writing from Near's POV. :/ Again, sorry if it sucked. I'll try really hard to improve, I promise! . Oh, chapter 3 will probably be a flashback too, but I'm not exactly sure yet. Anyway! Thank you for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

I stood deathly silent, watching as Near darted down the hallway. Was that…was that wrong? Maybe I shouldn't have done that… But… Jesus. I don't know what came over me. All I could think about in that moment was Near. Near's dark eyes, Near's small, kissable lips, Near's everything. I had watched him grow up alongside me all these years, hating him for some reason that I couldn't quite comprehend. But as soon as I heard that emotion in his voice, and saw it on his angelic face, it was like I knew. Damn it! I was in love with that snobby albino freak!

This sucks… I considered convincing Matt into sneaking out with me tonight. I needed something to drink. Not soda, or apple juice, or whatever the hell Roger kept those fridges stocked with. Nah, what I needed was some good, hard, liquor. I smiled at the distant memory of it burning my throat. Yeah, it was settled. We were sneaking out tonight.

Those thoughts faded when Matt opened the door. "Near! You forgot your-… Oh, hey, Mels. What's up?" He hid the fluffy stuffed bunny behind his back. I eyed him curiously. "Okay, cut the crap. I know Near was here, I saw him leaving. So, you guys have a nice little chat?" I asked conspicuously.

"Er… I guess you could say that. I mean, yeah it was alright…" Why the hell was Matt acting like that? It was staring to piss me off real good. "Matt? Are you trying to hide something from me? What did you and Near talk about, huh? Or…" as the next thought popped in my head, I felt my blood boil for some odd reason. "Or, did you do something _besides _talk?" I felt my eyes narrow and fists clench as I awaited his answer.

"W-what do you mean by that…?" I could tell that my friend was staring to sweat drop. He was never good at keeping things from me, but then again, neither were a lot of people I suppose. No matter what it was, he would spill eventually. "You know what I mean," I hissed, my death glare unwavering. Suddenly, it clicked for the red-head. "Oh! Oh my god, no way. Dude, I would never have sex with your worst enemy. You would _kill_ me!" I couldn't help but wonder if that was the _only _reason he wouldn't do it, but the thought subsided as my next question came to mind. "Then what did Near want?"

He didn't reply. But his eyes slowly moved from mine and settled on the floor. "Matt, what did you and Near talk about? Come on, dude. It couldn't have been anything that secretive. I mean, you were talking to _Near_ of all people, for Christ's sake!"

"Look, Mello, it was a secret between Near and I. I don't think he would want me to tell anyone. Especially not you…" He said the last part quietly. I sighed… Okay, interrogating wasn't working. I was going to have to be nicer about this if I really wanted to know. Actually, I wasn't sure _why _I cared so much. I just did. If it was about Near, I wanted to know. Especially if it was something he didn't want me to.

"How about if I buy you a new video game?" I tried to reason. He hesitated, but shook his head none-the-less. "Matty… Come on, tell me," I asked sweetly. He looked up into my blue eyes as I batted my eyelashes in an attempt to persuade him. "Ugh… Look, Mello, if I tell you will you please leave me the hell alone? I just want to get back to my video game… Oh, and if I tell you, you still owe me that game you mentioned earlier." I frowned, but agreed to the conditions bitterly. "All right, come in and lock the door."

"Near…likes someone?" I questioned as the red-head finally gave me the information I had been waiting for. He liked someone…? A girl? Was it Linda? I always hated that little bitch… "Yeah, turns out Near's gay… I kinda saw it coming. But it still surprised me." I brightened at this news for some reason. Maybe it was because at least now I had a chance?

"So, yeah. Near came to me cause he needed someone to confide in. I can't believe he would choose me to talk to, considering the circumstances but hey. I was a bit honored," Matt rambled, probably avoiding the main subject. "Yeah, yeah. So, who is it?" the red-head looked up from his DS. "What?"

"Who is it that Near likes?" I was growing a bit anxious. My friend looked back down at the screen, and hesitated before deciding that he didn't really care.. "Eh… It's that new kid, Dason." Dason? _Him? _I had never actually talked to the kid. He was younger than me, not by much, but still enough that I wouldn't bother with him without a good enough reason. I admit, we _had _exchanged a few harsh words in the lunch line, or in the halls. But the kid was a total brat, and I wasn't going to let him walk all over me. This was _my _territory. But that was the most we'd ever spoke. I didn't really like him before, but now…I hated him.

"I'll see you later, Matt. I'm going to go play some ball before its lights out." Matt nodded, only half-hearing me. I made my way to the door, trying to keep a calm mind for what I was about to do. Actually, I didn't know what I was about to do. But one thing was for sure, I was going to find this Dason kid. And I _wasn't _going to be nice. I had waited too long to uncover these… "feelings" I had for Near. And now some snobby little kid was just going to take him away from me, just like that? I don't think so… Near was mine.

**A/N: Okay, so I know my last update was like…forever ago. And I apologize deeply for those who were awaiting the next chapter. And it doesn't help any that this chapter was short and suckish…. But it's kinda hard to write when I'm doing so on a family computer. (My laptop broke…) And plus I've just had too much on my mind… Anyway, thank you for readin****g! :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Yay! I finally got another chapter completed! :D Soo… After re-reading the previous chapters, I did notice some mistakes. I'll go back and fix those when I get the chance. Anyway, because I have nothing else to really say her, on with the story!**

**(I just realized that I've been forgetting to do this… Oops…) Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of the characters…**

I had no idea where he would be. I barely knew this Dason kid… If he was anything like me, he would most likely be outside at this time, surrounded by friends. In which case, I would have to deal with him later, when he was alone.

I stopped in my tracks. Maybe… I should check on Near first. When he was running away earlier, it looked like he was ready to cry. I felt a tinge of guilt, realizing that it was most likely my fault. Yeah, it would be best to go find that snowball and apologize before he decides to hate me for my actions. I frowned as a subliminal image of an emotional Near glaring at me. I liked seeing him with emotion, but not that kind. I couldn't let that happen, I couldn't let him hate me…

Near's room was about a ten minute walk from Matt's, so I had plenty of time to calm down before I faced him. The last thing I wanted was to treat him as the old Mello would've. That Mello had died the moment our lips met, and I was planning on keeping him locked away forever, I wouldn't hurt Near anymore. I just couldn't.

As the thought faded, so did my steps. I stood outside what I was almost positive was Near's room, now feeling almost hesitant about what I was doing. When was _I _EVERhesitant about doing something? The name Mello never went well with that word… A whimper, soft and heartbreaking, could be heard from just beyond the door. I felt my heart drop and my face fell in guilt and worry. The sound urged me onward as I took a deep breath and twisted the handle. Surprisingly, it was unlocked. Even more so was the sight before me. The little albino was curled into himself, a little ball of white that contrasted the dark blue sheets under him. It would've been cute if not for the heaving of the boys shoulders that signified the sadness emitting from my former-rival in the form of tears. I actually cringed a bit at the sight. I opened my mouth to say something, but the words were caught in my throat. Great! Now I was actually unable to _speak_? What the hell was this brat doing to me? Maybe it would be better to just go back to hating him… At least _then _had a routine: take a test, do worse than Near, verbally abuse Near, knock over his toys, leave, and repeat process.

….Okay, maybe a new routine was in order. And besides, I wasn't so sure if I _wanted_ to resort to that again. Once more, my attention was drawn to the snowball. (Not that my attention ever seemed to waver from him anyway…) The crying had stopped and I knew that he knew that I was there. I guess now I had no choice, I had to speak. "Umm… Near? Are you okay…?" Stupid, I know. But it was the best I could come up with. At least it was a start!

He still stayed facing the opposite wall, refusing to look me in the eye. "Yes, Mello. I am fine. Thank you for your concern," he spoke politely, blowing me off just like that. Any pity I had for him washed away in a matter of seconds. I stormed over to him and grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to look me in the eye. He looked slightly taken aback at my actions, but adapted into the situation quickly. He always did. "May I help you?" He asked coldly.

I felt my face heat in anger and I grit my teeth. "What the hell, Near? Stop being so damn formal! I know you have emotions in there, show them to me!" His eyes widened unexpectedly. "Oh, now you show them?" I mused.

"My… No, Mello. My shoulder, you're hurting me," he whispered painfully. This only made me madder. I was hurting him? That's all I ever heard. 'Stop being mean to Near.' 'Aww, poor Near. Mello needs to leave him alone.' I was tired of it. I wasn't a bad person. Not really. So why was I always hurting him? Why did I always hear those words? Why did I always hear those words, but never get to see the emotion that was supposed to go along with it? Until now, and I suddenly realized that this wasn't what I wanted after all… This _wasn't _the emotion I wanted to see. I looked down into his dark, fearful eyes that stared back up at me. I hated those eyes; they made me feel like a monster. My own eyes drifted to my left hand, gripped tightly on Near's shoulder in a way that I was sure would leave a bruise. I mean, he was pretty fragile so it wouldn't take much to hurt him anyway. I slowly let go and backed away, keeping my gaze from Near's own. It wasn't until I was at the door that I felt a gust of self-pride and made eye-contact. He looked…more curious than hurt. I sighed, closing my eyes. "I'm sorry, Near." As I said the words, I opened the door and left before he had a chance to reply.

I walked down the hall a bit, until I was just about to round a corner, and then sank to the floor. I buried my face in my hands, as I waited for my mind and body to calm down. I hated that he could do this to me. Why was he the _only _one who could make my emotions get more out of wack than as per usual? Was it really love? Or has my hatred for him reached the point where I was on the brink of insanity? Or worse… I was already there. I cursed for the billionth time that day. My thoughts were put on pause as I overheard a conversation between two, no, three boys. Two of the voices I didn't really recognize, but the other was one I'd heard on occasion. I knew that voice… Who's was it…? I tuned in as one of the anonymous kids was in mid-sentence. They stopped at the word 'gay'. Huh? What were they talking about?

"Of course I'm not gay," the familiar voice said with a chuckle. The other replied, "Then why do you spend so much time with that freaky Near kid?" I completely froze at the name. What did he have to do with this? I willed my ears to catch everything being said. "Oh, him? I have my reasons…" I could almost hear the smirk in his voice. "What reasons?" The boy who hadn't spoken yet asked.

"Have you guys ever noticed the way he stares at me? And how glad he is to see me? He's totally got the hots for me. Hell, I'd be willing to bet that he fantasizes about me." All three snickered at the thought. I, on the other hand, was infuriated. Before the more rational side of me could kick in, I sprung from unintentional hiding place and pounced at the closest boy. When the boy fell with a thud and exasperate noise of utter surprise, I looked down at him from my place above him. His shirt collar. already clenched in both my fists, was pulled closer to my seething red face as I made out just who it was that I had landed on. Dason. Near's 'crush'. "So. Near _fantasizes _about you does he?" I said in a low, dark tone. He still looked surprised, so did the other two. "Answer me!" I screamed into his face. Suddenly, as if his wits returned, he pushed me off. "Screw off, Mello," he said in a dismissive tone. "Fuck you, Dason!" I threw my right fist into his gut and he made a hacking sound from the impact.

He glared at me for a mere second before he leapt from his former spot on the ground and attempted to pin me. But I was too fast, I dodged him with ease. Unlucky for me though, Dason was pretty fast himself and already launched his next attack: a sloppy executed kick to my lower back. I feel forward onto my palms and knees, and was about to regain my ground when I was abruptly pinned by his two friends. "What the hell! This isn't fair, let me go!"

"Dude, if you really want to fight, we'll do it later. Alright?" He wiped the bit of blood from his mouth that I had managed to cause in our short almost unproductive fight. I sneered at him. "Wus," I spat. He frowned. "Whatever, Dason. Okay, we'll fight later. You pick the time, I pick the place. Deal?"

He hesitated. "Though I have no freakin' idea what you're so worked up about, I _have _been wanting to kick your ass for a while now. So, deal. We'll sneak out after lights out. Unless of course, you're too chicken to break the rules?" I smirked. "Yeah, okay. Meet me in the woods, right next to the Whammy's Gate. Eleven o'clock don't be late." He nodded, and he, along with his two buddies, went their own way. I couldn't wait to teach that prick a lesson.

**A/N: I actually liked this chapter for some reason… Anyway, thank you for reading! Reviews are nice, and they make me more motivated. :) Also, I'm wondering if I should actually write the fight scene leading up to Dason's death? Because, I'm sure you've all figured out by now that he is the one who dies… If you hadn't, my apologies. But anyway, leave me a review letting me know if I should!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey, guess what? I'm still alive! :D Ehehe... And no amount of words can express how sorry I am... I abandoned this story for so long that I bet nobody even remembers it :/ I'm sorry guys! I had no internet access for so long, then when we finally got another computer, I totally lost interest in the Death Note fandom... But I finally got some motivation today, so here I am! :) Again, sorry... Well! Enough of my rambling, here's the chapter!**

I raised myself up on one elbow and braced myself for his next attack, which he issued not a second later. He kicked me in the side and I lost what little balance I had managed to suffice and went tumbling to the side. I kept rolling until I was a good distance from him and unsteadily jumped to my feet.

"Mello," Dason huffed, trying to catch his breath. "Just... Give up. Come on, stay down. I'm tired and want to go back inside." I smirked at the desperateness in his voice. I took a deep breath and wiped my bleeding arm on my pants leg.

"Why should I?" I asked defiantly. I had little patience for this ass hole, and hearing his words from earlier ring in my head, I was more determined than ever. I charged at him when he was slightly off guard and tackled him to the ground. Pinning his two hands above his head with one of mine, I clenched his chin in my other. I applied more and more pressure, watching his face turn a bloody red. I couldn't help but let out a morbid laugh.

He got his hands loose and punched me in the face with as much strength as he could muster at this point. I could tell he was getting weak, but then again, so was I. This fight wouldn't last too much longer. In reaction to the punch, I swung my fist into his face, not caring if I missed or not. He threw me off of him and backed away. "What the hell is wrong with you? Your fucking crazy! Is this seriously about Near? God, queers like you guys make me sick." I visibly flinched. Queer? I didnt like that word. It just seemed so...

"I'm the queer? Your the one wanting to fuck him!" I spat at him with disgust.

"Yeah, I do want to fuck him. I won't deny that. But that doesn't make me gay. Put him in a little pink dress and put some make-up on him and hes as good as a girl." Dason said with a malicious sneer. I felt my blood boil, but before I had time to reply, he continued. "And I have a better chance of seeing that than you do. Because Near likes me, Mello. He blushes like the little homo he is when he looks or speaks to me. And what does he do when he sees you? Hm? That's right, he runs. And you know its the truth, that's why your getting so angry.

"I know _everything_, Mello. He trusts me, and he confides in me. He tells me about all the awful things you do to him. How you hunt him down and scream at him, how you hit him for reasons he cant understand. You want to know something else? Every time you see him run away, he's running to me. And sometimes, when hes lucky, I make him feel better. Yep, and you should see the faces he makes. He's like a little who-."

I had had enough, a rush of adrenaline ran through my body and I slammed him into the nearest tree, digging my nails into his neck. He let out a brief scream of terror before he started flailing. I pulled him away from the tree, not letting go of his neck, and shoved him to the ground hard enough for him to lose his breath. He stayed there for a second, eyes squeezed shut and trying desperately to catch his breath.

I watched him curiously for a second, then I dragged him to his dysfunctional feet. I knew I looked insane at this point, and apparently he thought so too, judging by look of fear in his eyes as I advanced closer to him. There was a smile on my face; I wasn't sure when it had formed, only that it grew with every second. My hand clenched into a solid fist and everything after happened so fast that it was basically a blur of black.

* * *

><p>Oh God... I had caused a lot of trouble during my childhood, but never anything this intense. And why? Because of that albino freak. This was all his fault. If he would've just... If he would've just kept his little secret to himself instead of sharing it with Matt, I would've never found out. He must know that Matt tells me everything? Then why did he even open his mouth? Maybe he didn't think I would react as I did. Maybe he thought I didn't care. Well, I did care. Maybe things got a little out of hand, but... But I had done what was necessary. The deed had to be completed; if for nothing else, then for the sake of my sanity being intact.<p>

I wiped the tears from my face and tried to clear my mind so I could think of what to do. Turn myself in? ...Not an option. I was only 15, and I was not planning to spend the rest of my life in a jail cell. And the death penalty didn't sound too fun either...

Then... What was I to do? As the thought hovered in my mind, I heard a gasp come from about five feet behind me. My head snapped in the direction of the noise. How did somebody find us? I had thought the forest would be a secluded enough place to have this 'meeting'. I guess not... I shot up like lightning, and without really thinking, I took off in the direction of where I saw a shadow disappear behind a tree.

Pushing the branches away and nearly tripping several times, I rushed after the obviously frightened figure. Whoever it was wasn't very fast; every step they took was equivalent to two of mine. Even so, I pushed my tired legs onward and eventually I came in impact with the figure, landing on top of them. My breathing was hoarse and came out in sharp gasps. It hurt to breathe and my legs were numb at this point. I could die right here and right now and not even care... I considered letting the witness get away so could just go to sleep. I would worry about the penalty when I awoke; if I woke up.

My eyes slipped shut with ease and my body went limp. Then I heard I tiny voice from underneath of me speak and my weary eyes instantly shot back open and come in contact with the gray ones peering up at me. My breath, already painfully dry, went even more so.

"M-Mello...?" the tiny voice squeaked out. The sound of Near's voice made my cold heart melt. The voice of a tiny, frightened angel... Tears welled up in my icy eyes and I slowly lifted myself off of him. He followed me up and we sat on the ground, looking into each others eyes with looks of uncertainty.

I attempted to speak. I wanted to say something, anything. I wanted to apologize, even if an apology would never be enough to make up for what I had done. The images from my fight with Dason and the ending mental image of his bloody corpse resurfaced. What had I done...?

I began to hyperventilate, my heart racing with fear, and my head was pounding painfully almost in perfect rhythm with my heart beat. Everything was going black, and the last thing I remember was Near's arms around me, and the way his sobs rang in my ears.

**A/N: Even though I'm not worthy, please review! Oh, and there will be another chapter or two before it's finished. And I promise, this time it won't take me half a year to write them.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Wow… This story took forever to finish. But here's the last chapter of Secret. I kind of bs'd this chapter since I was really just trying to finish it up… Sorry… But at least it got finished, eh? :D**

Consciousness brought me from my dreary state as I regretfully awoke, but kept my eyes sealed shut. I could feel the cold, hard ground beneath me and feel a breeze run through my shoulder-length blonde hair. I knew that there was no way I was in my bedroom.

I pried my eyelids apart, the sun hitting my eyes with sever force. I observed my surroundings as I pulled my aching body up with agonizing discomfort. I let out a hefty yawn and stretched my stiff limbs, but stopped short at the sight of a little white ball curled into my side.

My heart almost stopped and my face flushed as I realized it was none other than Near. My breath hitched and I went motionless when he started to stir. He was so beautiful… I literally felt my heart ache with longing when he slowly peered up at me.

God, he was so _tiny. _The way his oversized clothes hung over him was adorable. I could only blush harder and resist the urge to kiss him, a nearly impossible task. "Mello?" He asked in his faint, monotonous voice.

"Y-yeah?" Damnit, stuttering? Really?

He took the bottom of my shirt in a clenched fist and pulled himself upright with a tiny yawn. Was he _trying _to be undeniably cute? Everything about him, everything he did, it made me want to take him in my arms and never let go.

Have I _always _felt like this…? Now that I think about it… All that stuff Matt called "pointless obsessing", was that me loving Near in my own sick way? I felt disgusted, just thinking about all the times I hit him and yelled at him. And every time he just sat there and took it without batting an eye…

My attention darted to Near, realizing that he was speaking. "And we need to get out of here," he was saying. "Before anyone finds you or… Dason." I saw his face drop at the last part. The events of yesterday suddenly hit me, playing like a movie reel. I felt myself start to shake uncontrollably. I had taken a life… I killed another human being. I was going to jail, I would never get to see Matt again, I'd lose Near, and my home. I'll lose my chance of becoming the next L! Suddenly, my thought process stopped and my eyes narrowed.

I wouldn't get to be the next L. And Near would. It was all _his _fault. As always, it's always Near's fault. Why did I ever let him affect me? I hate him. I hate him so much, I could just… In the next moment I was on my back again, surprise racking through my body as a pair of lips met mine. He clenched my shirt in his hands and kissed me with all the force he could manage, squeezing his frightened eyes closed. Then he pulled away, hopefulness apparent on his tiny face.

"I… I could tell you were getting infuriated… I could only make the assumption that it's me you were becoming irate with, and I truly do not want that. Please don't be angry with me, Mello," he spoke quickly, and didn't sound like himself. I felt the corners of my lips tug upward into a smile. I honestly don't know how I could be annoyed with him.

Realizing that he had kissed me, my face turned a scarlet color. Before I could process what I was doing, I grabbed him by the back of the head and grazed my lips against his gently, then pushed forward some more so that they smashed together bruisingly. Near gasped at the sudden action and I quickly took advantage of his open mouth. It felt so right and amazing… I wanted to just stay there connected all day, but his words from earlier rung in my ear. He was right; I needed to get out of here, and fast.

I slowly, regretfully removed my hand and pushed us apart. I rested my forehead against his, having to lean quite a bit. "Near…" I breathed.

"Yes, Mello?" he asked, out of breath.

I smirked. Then my smirk turned into a grimace as I willed myself to speak the next words. "I'm sorry, Near… For everything. For hurting you all of these years and always accusing you. And no amount of words can express how sorry I am for… God, Near I'm an ass hole. No, I'm worse than that. What the hell is wrong with me?" I asked, tears now touching at the corners of my eyes. "I'm pathetic."

Near started to say something, then frowned. He hesitantly reached up and wiped the tears away with his oversized shirt sleeve. "Why did you do it?" he asked gently. I looked up, confused.

"He… He deserved it. Wait, I don't mean that… he didn't deserve to _die _but he did deserve the ass kicking that led up that. I overreacted. I should've controlled myself. If I had we wouldn't be having this conversation. But I guess I'm glad we are, except… I'm not really. I mean-"

"Mello! Stop rambling. It makes you appear to be nothing short of an idiot," Near scolded me after silently listening to me talk, his nose scrunched up cutely and his head cocked to the side in bewilderment. "I meant why _exactly _did you do it…?" I didn't answer him; instead I looked to the side in embarrassment. "I don't know if you knew or not… But Dason was my best friend, Mello… I can't imagine that he would do anything to have instigated this. He was really… He was a good companion." Near didn't look at me at he said this, he looked genuinely hurt. I knew he was more than just the younger's best friend. But I couldn't tell him that I knew. I would have to admit to too many other details that I wasn't willing to let the other know of. Like how I had jealously instigated Matt into spilling the details, and that would also be violating an unspoken best friend law. If I told him that Matt had told me, then Near would be upset with Matt and Matt would thus be utterly pissed at me. And if Matt was mad enough, he would tell the white-clad boy the secrets I was currently trying to keep from him. It was a never ending process that I wasn't ready to deal with.

But I could tell Near at least part of the truth. "Hey… He wasn't entirely good, okay?" I whispered. He shot me a glare in denial. "I was casually passing through when I heard him saying some stuff that you probably wouldn't like. Because I know for a fact that _I _for one didn't appreciate the remarks he was making." The younger peered up at me, curiosity clearly displayed on his pale, angelic features. He really was beautiful. And emotions did his face justice, I was glad I was able to provoke some.

"He… He just wanted to use you," I said, making sure he was looking me in the eye so he knew I wasn't lying. "He wanted to do nasty stuff to you, Near. Horrible things, and despite what you may think, you wouldn't have liked those things." He blushed at this and a tiny smile lit up my face for a split second at the sight. But it quickly disappeared.

"So… Mello stood up for me…?" he asked cutely, and in a way that seemed like it was the unthinkable. I sighed and pulled his slightly unwillingly, aphephobic body closer to my own.

"Yes…" I muttered in his hair. "I won't let anyone touch you, do you hear me? You're mine and _only _mine. Even after I leave Whammy's to escape going to prison, and when you become L, and when you grow up and fall in love with someone who will never get in trouble and will always treat you right… Even then you'll be mine. I love you; I always have." Personally, I found the moment to be too sappy. But I had finally told him, and that's all that matters. And every word I said to him was nothing but the truth. I sighed heavily and pulled away from Near, only to find him sniveling and trying to hide his tear-soaked face in his shirt sleeve.

Not knowing what else to do, I pulled him one for one long, last kiss before sullenly standing up. I guess I should head east. If I could make it back to Russia, where I was born, then I could become a part of the mafia I had read so much about over the years. My family was once in the mafia, I knew. It was only a matter of time, raised respectable or not, that I followed in the family footsteps. I started to say good-bye to my short-lived lover, but then I suddenly heard Roger call our names from Victorian-style massive front door. He was bound to come and come and check the woods sooner or later. I just prayed that it was later, so that I had time to get away safely.

I cursed under my breath and, without looking back and muttering another word, I took off for the fence and started climbing. I had a newfound adrenaline as I thought positively about the road ahead of me. I was over the gate and could see the real world; the world outside of Whammy's that I so often dreamed about. Suddenly I was grabbed from behind. Startled and scared, I turned around to see Near, bawling his eyes out as he held my loose shirt sleeve through the opening gap of the gate.

"Take me with you," he begged hopelessly. My eyes grew wide in panic and in shock. I shook my head and jerked my sleeve loose.

"You're too innocent, Near. The world would eat you alive before we even made it out of America. Tell Matt what happened, okay? Explain everything and tell him I said to take care of you." Those were my last words before I took off at metaphoric lightening speed, the adrenaline wanting some sort of release.

"Gone…?" Matt asked mouth agape. His cigarette had long since burned out and fell from his lips onto the ground below. He didn't bother picking it up or lighting a new one as the white-clad boy told his every detail that he had any knowledge of. 'How could he leave without telling me?' Matt thought dejectedly. 'We're partners in crime. Even if I wasn't involved, I could've helped him escape…'

After mentally ranting for what felt like a lifetime, Matt eventually focused back on the broken boy at his feet. He had long-since finished his story and was just curled up in a ball there, kind of like a puppy. It almost made Matt grin, almost. He was too numb to care though. Mello was gone… his best friend. He had killed someone. Matt never actually thought the overly emotional blonde socialite would do something so serious. It just wasn't like him at all.

Then it hit him, Near had lost his best friend as well. There was a light feeling from within him that made Matt a bit happier. His mind made a bond between him and the younger boy and he felt understanding sympathy for him, which he showed by gently pulling Near into his lap (as he was already sitting on the floor). He pulled him to his chest and let the small, uncharacteristically shattered boy cry into his shoulder as he slowly pet his mop of white curls. He whispered comforting things into his ears as he cried alongside him and continued doing so until they had both fallen asleep on the floor.

They stayed like that until there was a brash knock on the door, causing them to open their eyes to the sight of a man they'd never seen before. He had short-cropped black hair and dark eyes that were set in a downcast at the two boys, and his face was fixed with a stern, business-like look with his jaw locked and firm. He was equipped with a policeman's uniform and a badge on his chest.

Matt pulled himself into an upright position, then stood up completely, forcing Near to follow him up. Matt extended his hand with a nod and a grin. "Good afternoon, officer. Is there anything we can help you with?" He asked coolly, knowing damn well why he was here.

The man looked between the two and scowled. "Which one of you is Matt?" He asked seriously.

Matt bit his lip to keep from saying something snide about the way he blew off his handshake; instead he kept up his smile. "That would be me, sir," he said losing the current fake cheerfulness.

"Matt, we have a few questions for you regarding your 'friend' and if you have any knowledge of the whereabouts of a mister…Near? I believe. The information would be greatly appreciated." Matt eyed the man suspiciously before nodding in response to his statement.

"I'll answer your questions, though I haven't seen him since yesterday evening. But I can't give you any information on Near's whereabouts because the I don't speak to the kid. Much less know his hangout spots," he said placing both hands behind his head in a relaxed manner, though he was far from that state. He felt Near tense somewhat beside him before relaxing immediately prior. The red-head was very much relieved that the younger was a genius.

He caught on fast and spoke up. "Officer? If you'll excuse me, I'll leave the two of you to talk," Near said kindly as he attempted to brush past the cop, only to be caught by the shoulder. Both boys had a moment of panic as the officer looked him up and down questionably. After a moment, they had keep from sighing in relief as Near was released with a 'carry on'.

As soon as he was out of the clear, he took off down the hall toward his room. He was going to go and lock the door and think of a plan in the safety of his own territory. That was, until he noticed the three men who looked as grave as the one in Matt's room standing outside his door. He quickly hid from view and watched the three of them. None of them seemed to have any intention of leaving, so he sighed and took off in the other direction. There seemed to be a cop at every corner, and Near was about to just give in and tell the police everything. Then he turned one corner and saw a tall man adorned in a white long sleeve shirt that hung loosely off his thin frame and faded, loose fitting jeans…but no shoes, or socks for that matter. He stood in a crouched position as he bit his pale thumb and Near couldn't help but stare at his dark circles and thick, spiked up black hair. Was this really him…?

The man turned toward him and gave a soft smile, as if he knew he had been there all along and knew just what he was going through. "Near?" L asked nicely. Said boy attempted to turn around and run again when he was caught and held by a familiar figure. The white-clad boy pulled himself free and looked up at Mello with wonder. "How-? Why-?" He was so astonished, confused and happy at the same time.

Mello didn't look as happy as he should've been, which surprised the younger. "I made it to town, and I was going to go far farther. But then seemingly out of nowhere, L shows up and pulls me into an alley as a squad of police cars zoomed past. I guess Roger had found out a lot sooner than I had expected…" The blonde mused.

Near took in the information then glanced at L. "You're going to jail, aren't you…?" the younger said, already knowing the answer. Or so he thought.

"On the contrary," L said as he continued biting his thumb thoughtfully. "Mello is number two in line to take my place; as such I can't allow him to be sent away. The officers just want to know what happened. The jurisdiction is left fully up to me and me alone."

Near and Mello, who apparently were unaware of this, looked at him dumbfounded. "But… I'm a murderer, L! I killed that poor kid!"

L stared at him long and hard before smirking. "We all have are cons, dear Mello. Murder, lunacy, jealousy… Lucky for you, one of my cons is impersonating my idol. Now play along or you'll be faced with a life time in jail, or if you're lucky, the electric chair." The raven turned his back to the two who looked after him curiously.

For the blonde, it clicked as soon as his words had sunk in. Watching after the figure, he let out a sigh as he realized that he now owed Beyond his life. Mello wrapped a still-confused Near into his embrace.

It was sometime around a month later when Mello exited the court room, a full smile plastered across his face. The judge, under "L's" orders, had deemed him innocent and free of all charges. Roger, on the other hand, requested that Mello be in charge of cleaning duty for the next year. And even after assigning him the job, he still looked at him with a mixed look of disgust and horror.

The blonde opened the doors to the outside and was greeted by Matt and Near who were more than pleased to see him. The red-head tackled him to the ground and kissed his cheek out of sheer joy, as Near stayed put, laughing slightly as Mello pushed him off in disgust and Matt chuckled and resigned to hugging him until he couldn't breathe properly.

After the two best friends were finished, the albino edged closer and discreetly slipped his hand into Mello's, intertwining their fingers. The blonde blushed at the advance, but smiled and squeezed the smaller hand comfortingly nonetheless.

When they arrived at Whammy's, Near, having never let go of Mello's hand, pulled him with him to his bedroom. He opened the door, then slowly pushed Mello onto the bed. He let go of his hand and pulled himself into the surprised blonde's lap, wrapping his thin arms around the older boy's neck before shyly kissing him on the cheek.

"Hey, Mello…?" Near asked, opening his eyes and resting his forehead against his boyfriends.

"Yes, Near?" He asked, leaning forward and pressing their lips together in a chaste kiss before pulling away to look the flushed boy in the eyes.

"Can I tell you a secret?"

"Mm?"

"I love you, Mello…" Near whispered, resting his head against the blonde's chest. Mello laughed and wrapped his arms around Near's waist and pulled him closer.

"I love you too…" He whispered back, completely content with their position on the bed. Soon after, they fell asleep, Mello falling into the bed and Near lying on top of him.

**A/N: Well I just want to thank everyone who's stuck by this story.**

**A huge thank you to my reviewers:**

**xxxIDKanimexxx, InsincerelySincere, XMattxXxNearX, EliotNightray, Kishimojin, Evie Antorcha, Miss Macabre Grey, xXFluffyKitsuneXx, 1whittles1, MusicIsMyFate, HaloKitten3000, yaten-loves-taiki**

**And a huge thank you as well to anyone put this on their story alerts and/or favorited it. :D **


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